The Dreaded Question: “What’s New?”
Ahhh!
Thou must answerist correcticus or elsicus thou shalt be found a boricus. To prepare thyself consider the following responses:

-“I have mastered the art of tantric love-making”
-“Hab SoSlI' Quch! ” (Klingon for : Your mother has a smooth forehead!)
-“last night my pet turtle gain birth to conjoined twins”
-“I’ve developed a severe allergy to killer whales”
-“I see dead people”
-“I just found out I’m the next Dali Lama”
-“My imaginary friend Frank –who happens to be a demonic bunny rabbit- just showed me a portal to an alternate universe”
-“Metallica wants me to produce their new polka album”
-“Alas my petite Qoheleth…there is nothing new under the sun”